If you’d never engaged in the act of eating before, you’d be forgiven for sticking a banana up your nose instead of in your mouth on your first try.

But if, after FOUR YEARS of sticking bananas up your nose, you STILL don’t understand why you’re on the brink of starvation, then… we need to talk.

This completely BANANAS situation was encountered by an obstetrician in Guiyang, China when she was visited by a couple who had failed to conceive after four years of marriage, the Guiyang Evening Post reported.

The 26-year-old husband and 24-year-old wife, who had probably been breaking their backs trying to become parents, were concerned that one of them was infertile; while the wife also complained of pain each time they got down to business.

Suspecting a gynaecological disease, the obstetrician proceeded to examine the woman – but she didn’t get far. For, partly covering the woman’s naughty bits was (ta da!) her hymen, which was very much intact (and probably embarrassed to still be there). The wife was a virgin.

Letting her nose lead the way, the bewildered doctor then examined the woman’s butt. A little prodding here, and a slight jiggle there was enough to reveal to her that the wife’s derriere had not just been used as an exit for the past four years, but an entrance as well.

Sherlock was not needed to figure this one out (though one wonders what he would have said about it). The couple had been mistakenly having bum sex for four years, fully expecting babies to pop out as a result.

The obstetrician (who was probably thinking she had quite an anecdote to tell her colleagues around the watercooler later) discovered that the country bumpkin duo was shockingly ignorant about sex, having never been told about the birds and the bees.

According to RT, the good doctor immediately issued the couple intercourse guidelines and a sex education handbook, before sending them back on their way to the countryside whence they came to try again.

Which raises another pertinent question. The couple lived on farmland. Surrounded by livestock. What occurred to them when they saw their animals mating, left and right? That they were eating bananas correctly?

P.S. – Several months later, the couple presented the obstetrician with a number of chickens and 100 eggs as a thank you. After finally giving the wife’s buttocks a break, the couple was finally expecting. Aww.

Source: NST